Good bye my baby girl...

Nov 14 was the saddest day of my life. I didn't feel baby moving for a while so I went to the hospital on Nov 11. The nurse picked up her heart beat so I went home. I still felt something was wrong and went to the hosipital at 2:00am on Tuesday. The nurses couldn't find the heart beat.. I was praying that they were just inexperienced, but then the doctor and the ob told us they couldn't hear her heart beat either... I can not understand, she was fine.. she was .... I just dont understand...

We had a great preganacy to start with. Her timing couldn't be any better, and all our friends are having babies together. I had no morning sickness, and everything was just going so well. We saw her for the first time on my birthday (Oct 03). My dear baby opened her eyes! She looked so beautiful! I felt her moving all the time since then. She loved to kick and punch after I drank orange juice and when I lay down and sang for her. She kicked hard sometimes so Tim felt her too. That made Tim so happy, he couldn't stopped giggling. Sometimes I even feel her just moving, pushing slowly, everything she did made me happy and anxious...

I think something was preparing me for this tragedy. I had weird dreams last week about the baby not being well. I watched on tv a women had the same thing happened to her just days before this happened. I can only believe that somehow God was making me ready for something I can not change.

I started to have more contractions and the doctor gave me something to induce labour at 9:00am. I was in so much pain but Tim was there with me the whole time. He was amazing. He made me feel better and even managed to get me to giggle from time to time. At 3:50pm I delivered our baby. They let me hold her. She was so tiny and beautiful. She had no eyelashes (no surprise!) but lot of hair. She was just perfect. I felt so good to hold her, but I was so sad at the same time. It was so hard to say good bye. I miss my baby girl and I want to hold her forever.

I know it will take time to heal. I am greatful to have all our families and friends around us. It's good to know that we are surrounded by love and we are not alone. I just wish we have a happier ending.

Jess with a little bump

The first picture was taken in September (around week 18);
and the second picture was taken in October (week 24)