Good bye my baby girl...

Nov 14 was the saddest day of my life. I didn't feel baby moving for a while so I went to the hospital on Nov 11. The nurse picked up her heart beat so I went home. I still felt something was wrong and went to the hosipital at 2:00am on Tuesday. The nurses couldn't find the heart beat.. I was praying that they were just inexperienced, but then the doctor and the ob told us they couldn't hear her heart beat either... I can not understand, she was fine.. she was .... I just dont understand...

We had a great preganacy to start with. Her timing couldn't be any better, and all our friends are having babies together. I had no morning sickness, and everything was just going so well. We saw her for the first time on my birthday (Oct 03). My dear baby opened her eyes! She looked so beautiful! I felt her moving all the time since then. She loved to kick and punch after I drank orange juice and when I lay down and sang for her. She kicked hard sometimes so Tim felt her too. That made Tim so happy, he couldn't stopped giggling. Sometimes I even feel her just moving, pushing slowly, everything she did made me happy and anxious...

I think something was preparing me for this tragedy. I had weird dreams last week about the baby not being well. I watched on tv a women had the same thing happened to her just days before this happened. I can only believe that somehow God was making me ready for something I can not change.

I started to have more contractions and the doctor gave me something to induce labour at 9:00am. I was in so much pain but Tim was there with me the whole time. He was amazing. He made me feel better and even managed to get me to giggle from time to time. At 3:50pm I delivered our baby. They let me hold her. She was so tiny and beautiful. She had no eyelashes (no surprise!) but lot of hair. She was just perfect. I felt so good to hold her, but I was so sad at the same time. It was so hard to say good bye. I miss my baby girl and I want to hold her forever.

I know it will take time to heal. I am greatful to have all our families and friends around us. It's good to know that we are surrounded by love and we are not alone. I just wish we have a happier ending.

Jess with a little bump

The first picture was taken in September (around week 18);
and the second picture was taken in October (week 24)

I can feel the baby!!!

I think it was about week 18 or 19 that I started to feel the baby for the first time. But I wasn't sure until last week when she started moving more frequently. She's also stronger now; her movement made the pregnancy more a reality for me. Sometimes, I would poke my belly lightly, and I would feel her move around a bit. Tim said I was mean! but I think it's nice way to interact with her. ;-)

First ultrasound

Yesterday was my birthday. I am 31 years old!! Well, I am not too upset about it. I have a wonderful husband and a healthy baby in my belly. :) We went for our first ultrasound in the morning. I think it was the most exciting birthday I ever had. I was so looking forward to the day, and even though I had to keep a full bladder, I knew it would be worth it. At first, we couldn't figure out what we were looking at. Then we saw the baby's spine, head, heart, arms, and legs!! It was so neat! We also found out baby's gender -- baby girl!!!!! About 5 minutes after we found out, Tim said he's getting an ulcer. He's starting to worry for our little baby girl. That was so sweet.

no shellfish! 不能吃海鮮 :-(

Now I am having a baby, one thing I must give up is shellfish. I am allergic to shellfish, salmon, and tomato. I don't know when I developed this, but I looooove to eat salmon, shrimp, clams, baked oyster, etc. I do not get serious reaction, but since the doctor say the baby will be affected, I really have to stop. When I went to the T&T market the other day, I discovered some of my old time favorite snacks also contain shrimps! Then I went to have dim sum, and guess what?! a lot of the foods that I thought do not contain shrimps, do have shrimps in them! I think this is harder than giving up drinking. You can not avoid going to a restaurant with friends who's going to order some yummy seafood you can not eat. Oh.. but my baby is more important.. we will do everything to have a healthy baby.

懷孕後除了不能喝酒之外, 我還得放棄海鮮! 不知道從何起, 我開始對海鮮過敏, 只要是有殼的海鮮, 還有三文魚, 番茄(搞什麼? 都是我的最愛) 都可能引起皮膚發紅發癢. 本來我還會冒險吃吃, 但是醫生說我若起症狀會害寶寶也過敏, 我就真的不敢吃了. 結果是我每樣買來的東西, 每道要點的菜, 都會先查一下有沒有含蝦. 居然五香乖乖, 某牌的海苔, 和平常愛上館子吃的炸芋頭糕都有含蝦!! 我以為放棄喝酒比較難, 沒想到是放棄海鮮最挑戰. 我對食物的排名是 1)海鮮, 2)肉, 3)菜. 而去哪裡吃飯都會有朋友點海鮮.. 真痛苦. 不過為了小寶寶還是得聽話, 我現在吃的健康營養都是為了寶貝的身體喔

worries

We started to announce our good news! I hope people understand why we (and a lot of couples out there) keep it a secret for three months. Ever since we got confirmation from the doctor that we are expecting, I've been losing my sleep. I worry every little symptoms that I have, and I would read any resources I can get my hands on, and I would call my doctor all the time. Even though I have officially enter the 2nd trimester, I am still very concern about the baby’s development. I came to realize that I've become a parent. I will continue to worry about the baby until he/she arrives. Then I will worry if the baby is eating enough, sleeping enough, and so on... the worries have started and it will never stop... but I know the joy will come, and nothing else would matter.

baby's heart

week 13 - at family doctor's office

We went to the doctor for regular check-up. The doctor told us that we may be able to hear the baby's heart beat with a doppler. We first heard my heart beat, and then we heard a different one that was much faster than mine!! My gosh! That's when I thought.. "I can grow people!". It was so amazing. We recorded baby's heart beat with doctor's commentary.(note: she said week 11 but it is actually week 13)

Baby's heart beat

the mysterious blue line..

I missed my period for two days. I've discovered one interesting thing about myself.. I hate the unknow! So when Tim went to play Volleyball, I picked up the pregancy test on my way home. I followed the instruction and waited for two minutes. That two minutes felt like forever. When I finally looked at it, I was shaking. I must've read the instruction 50 times to make sure the blue line meant it was positive.. and it meant that I am having a baby.

I left the result by the bed, and I kept waking up to see if I was dreaming... :)